Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another

April 8, 2007

Smeared lipstick on my face and the memory of last night’s fuck. People I’ve never known came to my bash. The greatest party we’ve had in years!!! Woohooo! Alcohol and drugs Jane, drugs! I’ve promised never to do it again but I was wrong. I can’t help myself and I won’t. What’s wrong with it? Why? Is it all that great anyway? What do you see that I don’t? A life of yellow and pink. All my friends are in there when I’m doing it. And all of you…you are all happy.

I’m wearing Marissa’s pink T shirt. I ripped it all off in the back last night. I was furios. He pulled my hair and then I started kissing him. He told me he doesn’t want to see me again and I said ok. He left and then I slept with Brian. I fell asleep in my bed, all strong out and dirty. I woke up and I smelled of whisky and weed. It was sunny and warm and I felt like I should clean myself up but instead I went downstairs and lit up a cigatrette, poured a whiskey and a red bull and started playing with my lipstick.

My fingernails are all red. Laura thought it was funny to paint them but she was so wasted she forgot about being careful with it and now I look like a whore. I’m going upstairs now. I’m putting on a pair of jeans. I’m getting out of this house. Jack and Lily and Tofy are still sound asleep on the floor. Fuck them…I’m going out. It’s 6 o’clock. I’m going to the gas station and there’s this car pulling in front of me. Two guys I used to hang out with tell me to get in…they’re going to get high and then everybody’s coming to their party, they’ve got music and this punk rock band and Alicia’s coming too…I haven’t seen Alicia in a while. And I say yes, why not?

Saturday March 18, 2006 – 07:42pm

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